10. Dear all and welcome to Ask Molly Mushroom. Firstly I want to apologise for last week’s entry. I was completely off my face and clean forgot to edit the blog before it was sent out. However I did mean what I said about receiving a load of old shit. Honestly, some of the things you write to me about are … (Molly – remember our meeting and what I said about a fine thread!!!)

Some of you might have seen a message I put on my other social sites that commented on the actions of the extremist group, ISIS. I am very much into spreading the positive word and expressing myself in a peaceful and loving way but unfortunately I lost it when I saw a young man being thrown from a rooftop for being homosexual. That and the woman being flogged to a round of applause from the spectators for being in love brought tears to my eyes. My reaction to these abominable actions from these so called human beings was so strong and fierce I felt myself wanting to go over and do the same to them. I believe the more hate or fight you give out the more the universe will absorb it so I try and give out positive vibes to such dreadful crimes. (Other times I am a complete cow!)

This week I received a lot of emails and sadly I will not be able to respond to all of them. As you know my concentration span is not great at the best of times and I find sitting down difficult at the moment due to my… (Molly!)

Dear Molly, do you have any resolutions? Janine

Dear Janine, thank you for your email. Yes I have made resolutions for the new year and am hoping I will be able to keep all two hundred and six of them. Here are but a few:

Be nicer to my friends, learn alien, become a professional wrestler, get fat and take part in the programme Secret Eaters, fly a helicopter over Pond Willy-Warmer, learn how to sing through my bottom, be invited to the Whitehouse and paint it green, do the cancan in J.Lo’s bra whilst she attends a premier, sing God Save the Queen to extremists, stop getting pissed and stealing knickers off the neighbours clothes-lines, stop being flushed down the loo, write a hymn that contains only swear words, take selfies with really ugly people in the background, name my cutlery, eat my weight in mud, clone my spores to make a mini army of Molly’s, shave Mrs Mushroom’s hair off and use it as a raft, climb the tallest tree and use my dress as a parachute, save money, sell my sister to the local circus, and finally just be generally good and keep out of trouble.

My friend, Germalina the Germ, has made a few New Year’s resolution too if you are at all interested. They consist of having her photo taken in ten unusual places. So far she has had her photo taken sitting on the edge of Ken Dodd’s bath with Justin Beiber, while he (Ken) soaped himself up into a right lather, a selfie up Simon Cowell’s arse and a photograph of herself swinging from a lock of Kylie Minogue’s merkin that she had forgotten to detach after one of her ‘shows’. She has also resolved to give gonorrhoea to at least five people a day and learn how to cross-stitch. But who gives a flying fuck what she gets up to, the weirdo!

With love and kisses, Molly X

 Molly, I am sixteen and I think I am a lesbian. What do I do? Confused.

Hi there, Confused. If you hadn’t signed off like you did my response would have been, ‘that’s nice, dear.’ But considering you put your age, and the word confusion came into the equation, I feel that you might be going through a period of, well let’s say – confusion. You are finding your sexuality forming a strong bond with your hormones and you want to know which way to turn. By saying ‘lesbian’ suggests to me that you are mostly interested in the same sex as yourself. By stating that you want an answer suggests to me that you have some kind of negative feelings towards this. Am I correct? If this is so then what is it or are they? Are you worried that you will not be accepted by friends or that your family will disown you? You have not stated if you come from a religious family or what culture you are. Unfortunately, due to some religious beliefs (I can name many), homosexuality can still, sadly, be seen as bad. Let me tell you this, whatever your faith or culture, whether you are a lesbian or not, you are one hundred per cent amazing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you are a lesbian then bloody well enjoy it (safely). Your sexuality is only a part of what makes you whole. You have so many other parts that make up you - how wonderful is that? Life is difficult enough without the bullshit of you experiencing any kind of negativity towards who you either choose or are born to prefer. This includes giving yourself a hard time. Don’t do it! If you need help with either coming out or coming to terms with your sexuality then there are many organisations and charities that do just that. Use the internet to research places in your local area.

One day people will be born, love who they want to without fear of rejection or hate crime, and live a life that should already be alive and kicking in this so called ‘modern’ world.

I wish you all the best, Confused, and never be anyone else except yourself. Love Molly X