Molly Mushroom and the Promiscuous Pixies: Part 1.

      Molly Mushroom and the Promiscuous Pixies: Part 1

Molly Mushroom woke to a bright and sunny morning. She rubbed her tired knees, scratched her itchy bottom and went to take a shower. Her naughty sister, Morag, knew that it was shower day for Molly and had set a trap for her. What a shock Molly got when she turned on the taps, but nonetheless she washed under her ring and sang a little song as she did so.

Later, after Molly had got her heart rate back to normal, she began to spin with excitement. Mrs Mushroom was out getting her hair cut and a blow-job and Morag was concocting an experiment on her friend, Tilly Tenknickers, so she had the house to herself. How she loved the peace and quiet.

Suddenly a knock came at the door. Molly hiked her dress back on and froze.. When the knock came again she screamed. ‘Whoever could it be?’ she thought and then screamed again bellowing out a stream of obscenities. Pure filth tumbled out of her mouth as she opened the door and fixed her eyes upon the strangest little man she had ever seen.

‘Hello,’ she said, watching him curiously. ‘What can I do for you?’

‘I’m sorry but I seemed to have lost my way and I need to relieve myself,’ said the funny little fellow. He held his crotch and did a wiggle.

‘How do you mean?’ asked Molly, narrowing her eyes. She had witnessed her friend Freddie Fungus asking the same thing once and had never forgiven herself for giving him the go ahead, especially as she had caught him in the act.

‘I need to use your bathroom,’ squirmed the little pixie who was now rubbing himself up against the door. He had a horrible, bitter little face and Molly liked him immediately.

 ‘Yes, you may use the bathroom,’ said Molly, 'but do be careful as I have just been in there and the floor is wet. I never aim properly,' she giggled.

The pixie looked at her curiously then smiled a big toothy grin. ‘Of course,’ he said, showing Molly his rotten teeth. He then skipped up the stairs and made for the smell. He was gone a while before emerging with a satisfied look upon his face. He then thanked Molly for her kindness.

 Molly, after waiting patiently for the pixie to come out, dashed upstairs to make sure that he had left the bathroom as he had found it and could have kicked herself when she opened the door. The naughty little pixie hadn't needed to spend a penny at all. 'Ooh,' screamed Molly snapping on the marigolds before scrubbing the offending stain off the mirror. She then came out the bathroom, did a quick dance and tumbled down the stairs.

‘Are you alright?’ asked the pixie, shocked.

‘I was until I had to clean up the mess you left,’ replied Molly, angrily manipulating her arm back into its socket.

'I’m terribly sorry,’ he said, and then gave a low bow, wincing as he heard Molly’s neck snap back into place. ‘

‘It seems we have got off on the wrong foot,’ he carried on, trying not to give eye contact. ‘My name is Derrick. I am a Pixie and I live with my cousins in the woods. We are generous folk and I would like to… hello?’ Derrick snapped his fingers. ‘I would like to invite you round for tea.’

Molly began to spin with excitement. Derrick wondered what the matter was with the little mushroom. ‘Maybe she needs help?’ he thought. Luckily Molly was too busy spinning around the woods to have seen his worried expression. Finally Molly slowed down until she came to a stop. Her skin had shrivelled to that of a prune and she quickly gulped down some water to rehydrate her spores and ring. The two then made arrangements, Derrick conscious of his hands shaking with trepidation.

The following morning Molly woke and shouted WHORE at the top of her voice before putting on her new red dress with pride. It had white polka dots on it and she felt like a princess. She twirled in front of Mrs Mushroom, who was completely off her tits, and waited for a compliment. An hour later Molly stopped twirling for she was feeling sick and decided she would go and meet her new best friend, Derrick.

She soon saw him in the distance masturbating and  looking every bit as seedy and spiteful as he had the day before.

‘Ah, um hello there,’ he said. He then remembered that Molly didn’t seem to be quite right in the head so he spoke very slowly indeed so she would understand. ‘You. Made. It. then. Well done,’ he said, ‘Come and meet my cousins. They are very excited to meet you.’ He then put himself back in place and whistled.

Molly wondered why the repugnant little pixie was speaking to her like that. He  looked very silly indeed what with his permed hair and dirty features. She then phased out.

A minute later molly came out of her coma and wondered what the hell was going on. She had completely forgotten where she was and looked at Derrick in horror.

‘Ah, you’re back, said Derrick,  ‘Here they come?’

‘Here who come?’ asked Molly, and screamed.

Suddenly, from out of the undergrowth ambled four pixies, waving merrily. ‘Cooee, hiya, hello there, shit fuck bugger,’ they all said happily. And then one by one they introduced themselves.

‘I’m Hilda,’ said one with an enormous head. Molly stifled a giggle. ‘I am very pleased to meet you.’

‘And I’m Brian,’ said a revolting, underdeveloped pixie that physically turned her stomach.

‘I’m Daisy,’ burst out Daisy and did a long, wet fart.

‘And I’m Colin,’ said Colin who shuffled uncomfortably. Molly observed he had the biggest lunch box she had ever seen and simply couldn’t keep her eyes off it, especially as they kept falling out.

‘Oh, they are hideous, are they inbred?’ cried Molly, gleefully after getting over the shock. ‘Can I touch one?’ She went over to Brian and patted him on his head. Brian bit her immediately. ‘Cheeky,’ said Molly.

'That will probably go septic,' mentioned Derrick, looking at the nasty gash that was now seeping blood.

Molly laughed and did a little spin. She then went over to Colin and tucked him back in  safely before placing her hand on Hilda’s forehead. ‘I think you look nice,’ she said, and nodded sincerely while Hilda looked away uncomfortably. A tumbleweed skimmed past.

The pixies then bound and gagged her before taking her graciously back to their funny home set in a tree trunk. A short while later they arrived.

‘Why, is this where you live?’ said Molly, after ripping the duct tape from her eyes and mouth. She had never been inside a tree trunk before. She looked about her curiously and then dive bombed Brian for fun.

‘Help me,’ he screamed, waving his arms and legs in the air.

‘Yes we all live here,’ said Derrick, before reaching down to remove him from under Molly’s clown feet. The tiny pixie was completely squashed and would need intensive surgery to get him looking like his old self again.

‘Go and have a look around while we make you tea,’ said Hilda, touching herself. Molly felt in awe of the little pixie with the big head and found herself blushing.

While the pixies prepared the tea Molly explored the strange home. She was enchanted by the mouldy walls and damp furnishings and gasped in delight as she discovered a nest of cockroaches. When she had finished nosing about, stealing a lovely necklace from Daisy’s jewellery box and taking a bath, tea was ready. There were apple pies and  jam sandwiches, ginger beer and lard and at the top of the table a huge bowl of Iceland’s finest sausage rolls made with three percent unidentifiable meat. Molly tucked a corner of the tablecloth into her dress and began t gobble up the food. She got terrible indigestion and let out an almighty burp.

‘That was lovely, thank you so much,’ said Molly who then burped again. Standing up, and forgetting she still had the tablecloth tucked into her dress, she tipped the entire contents of the table on Brian. The poor, ugly little pixie lay unconscious before being found by Hilda, who momentarily got her head stuck in Colin’s groin. How Molly laughed. ‘Adorable,’ she muttered and clasped her hands together.

When finally the table was put right and Brian airlifted to hospital Molly thought it would be nice to tell the pixies a bit about her. The pixies were not interested in the slightest and wanted the little mushroom to leave immediately. However, Molly did not stop talking. On and on she went,  even dribbling at one point due to forgetting to swallow. Finally the pixies had had enough and Derrick physically threw her out slamming the door behind him. He quickly locked and bolted it while the others scrambled about shutting windows and closing curtains hysterically. They then turned all the lights out and hid under the table, quivering.

Outside, Molly picked herself up, dusted herself down and then knocked on the door. No one answered. ‘They must have gone out,’ she thought and shrugged. She tried the door again unaware of them shaking with fear inside. ‘No,’ she said to herself, ‘definitely out.’ Molly gave one last knock before lighting a fire cracker and stuffing through the letterbox before trundling off back home, singing at the top of her voice.

Later that night, after the pixies had put out the fire and disinfected their home, they  swore that they would never invite anyone around again. They were traumatised!

Molly, who was now safely tucked up in bed, thought about her day and how splendid it had been. ‘I really am a lucky spore,’ she said to herself before falling fast asleep.

What Molly did not know was that pixies had magical powers and they did not take kindly to thieves.  They knew Molly had stolen the necklace as they had seen her waving it about on their CCTV system before putting it in her knickers.

Oh dear, I wonder what will happen to that Molly Mushroom when the pixies get hold of her?

You will have to wait for the next instalment of Molly Mushroom and the Promiscuous Pixies: Part 2  to find out.

 No pixies were hurt during the writing of this story.